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Okay some explanation is needed here.
I play Bucky in an Avengers RP and he just recently came back (Winter Soldier shenanigans), and one of the things he has been doing is playing the piano (thanks to this gif) and… I got onto writing dirty Captain America songs.
And here they are.
‘Have you seen Steve Rogers’ (to the tune of ‘I don’t want to be a soldier’)
Tell me have you seen Steve Rogers
Mayhap up upon the silver screen
Getting into hero fights
Prancing about in tights
Truth and freedom, kissing baaaaaabies!
I’d much rather the Commandos
Come to me and sweep me off my feet
For I’d rather be with real men
Soldier boys like Buch-an-en
And roger him into next week!
Geronimo!
And then the more interesting version of ‘The Star Spangled Man’:
Whom do you crave when the boys strong and brave are away?
Who can caress Jill and Jess up the dress night and day?
Who does the rounds bed to bed for America?
Raises the flag in his pants for America?
From Hoboken to Spokane!
The Star-Spangled Man with a Plan!
When there’s a war and threat at our door we can’t face
Who has the fight in his tights to put Krauts in their place?
Who’s in the back with the WAF for America?
Who’s in the tents with the gents for America?
He’s an invasion in just one man
The Star-Spangled Man with a plan!
Massive and mighty and true
Ladies I tell you, it’s red white and blue!
Who stops the Axis attack when it runs far amok?
With just the power of his mighty American… luck?
Chasing the dames down the lanes in America!
Who can it be but Captain America?
Finishing what he began
From Ellen and Bette to Jan,
The Star Spangled Man with a plan!
THIS. YES.
OH MY GOD.
OMG I can’t stop singing that last one!
OH GOD THE STAR SPANGLED MAN
If somebody recorded these, I would be the happiest camper to ever metaphorically camp.
YES. THIS.
Committing the second to memory for when the Captain America chorus girl costume is complete